Self-Care is a Leadership Move
When a leader is tired, angry, overwhelmed … so is the team. A client said this to me a number of years ago and I have used it to promote the practice of self-care as an essential leadership practice ever since.
As a leader we set the tone for our organizations. People trust us to make thoughtful decisions, stay calm under fire, lead strategically, inspire while staying grounded in reality, and more. Our teams want to trust that we will listen to them. Trust that we care about them as much as we care about the mission. And, trust that we will tell them the truth and when we can’t, be honest about that.
In order for us to show up as a trustworthy leader, we have to set ourselves up to be the best version of ourselves as consistently as possible. Not perfectly -- just as consistently as humanly possible. Without self-care, we don’t have a prayer.
Everybody is busy. There doesn’t seem to be enough time to do everything that our life and jobs requires of us. Often the first thing we drop from our schedules is our self-care. We say no to ourselves before we say no to requests coming from co-workers, directs, the boss, customers, family and friends. When we think of self-care, the first thing that may come to mind is exercise. Even though self-care includes more than just exercise, not making it to the gym, or whatever your favorite physical activity may be, drops out of busy travel weeks or days and nights spent on conference calls with global teams.
When I was younger I was into extreme exercise. At the risk of dating myself, as a twenty-something I was an aerobic dance fanatic. Think leg warmers, a headband, and dance-like moves to loud up-beat pop music. As life got more complicated with kids and ever increasing job responsibilities, all exercise fell away from my life. After years of inactivity, I finally got around to reintroducing exercise into my schedule. Getting back into a physical practice had more payoff than just my body feeling better (well eventually). By reintroducing exercise into my life, I declared that my well-being was as important as my family and work obligations were. My self-care got on the calendar, and with that I was on my way to stopping the self-neglect that I had succumbed to for years and started setting myself up to be a better leader too. As we know, exercise as a regular practice is good for stress relief and excellent for overall health. So, if you don’t yet have a regular exercise practice, pick something, anything, and start to move. If you have a regular exercise practice, there may be more you can do with it to up your leadership game.
I would propose that if you tend to run hot and fast, I bet your exercise of choice does too. The opposite is likely true. Good leadership sometimes requires us to go fast or slow depending on the circumstances. Use your choice of exercise to help you practice what isn’t your natural go-to. Consider mixing it up. If you love restorative yoga, add in a spin class. If you like competitive tennis, schedule a walk in the woods. Use your practice to help you feel the difference in your body of going fast and going slow and, therefore, help you access the best option when you need it at work.
And, self-care requires more than exercise. Emotional hygiene practices should also be part of our self-care. Emotional hygiene helps us self-regulate and have healthy relationships. Leadership is founded on good relationships. First and foremost a healthy relationship with ourselves as a foundation to healthy relationships with peers, associates, directs, our community, friends and loved ones. Self-awareness is foundational to being self-regulating and having good emotional hygiene.
Emotional hygiene includes being self-aware. Practices that help increase self-awareness include journaling, working with a coach or therapist, or being open to feedback from trusted colleagues.
A fellow coach humorously used to say, “My mind is like a bad neighborhood, I don’t go there alone.” Journaling is a great practice that may illuminate our previously concealed patterns, but often we need someone to help us. A coach, therapist or trusted friend can help us recognize our patterns and suggest practices that broaden our understanding. Through these conversations and practices we can start to see our habitual patterns. We become more aware of our needs and motivations and our (previously) unconscious strategies to fulfill them. By bringing our motivations into awareness we can catch ourselves when we are reacting unconsciously and, with practice, have the opportunity to respond consciously.
We have all felt the energy in our bodies when one of our buttons are pushed making us at risk of being reactive. Reactivity can take many forms. For some of us we may feel agitated and raise our voice. For others it may look like shutting down and becoming uncommunicative. Some of us may tend towards excessive people pleasing or extreme rebelliousness when triggered. By cultivating awareness of what triggers us, we understand better what needs we are trying to satisfy or fear we are trying to avoid when those situations happen. With this awareness, we have an opportunity to interrupt our automatic reactions and develop the choice to respond skillfully. As effective leaders we need skillful responses at our beck and call every day. Self-care helps us access this.
Beyond reactivity there are more common habitual patterns we fall into. As we increase our self-awareness we may discover we are naturally great listeners and can use to practice more boldness and candor. We may love an intense debate and need to practice stepping back in order to harvest the contributions of those that need more coaxing. We can practice responding with a broader set of options that help us cultivate the outcomes we would like to see in our work and life.
When talking about good self-care let’s not forget the obvious, healthy sleeping and eating habits need to be part of the equation. Questions to consider: Am I getting enough sleep? How do I help my body wind down at night? Do I skip lunch and tend to overeat at dinner? Can a mid-afternoon walk help me be more productive? What foods make me feel better? Small adjustments of our habits can go a long way in helping us be our best.
And finally, other self-care practices include anything that gives us energy or fulfills us in some way. It could be having lunch with a dear friend at a favorite restaurant, making time to read a good book, going to an entertaining movie or show, cooking a delicious meal, walking on the beach, or bike riding with the kids. These activities give us enjoyment and fulfillment and also support our self-care and hence our leadership.
So whether your self-care includes training for a triathlon or nightly bubble baths or ideally your version of both, take your first step or get creative and upgrade your self-care. Make this your next leadership move.
Vivian Groman brings 25 years of finance and technology leadership experience to her coaching work with senior and high potential emerging leaders across a broad range of industries. Whether building the confidence and relational sophistication of rising leaders or supporting C-suite visionaries to broaden and deepen their long-term impact, Vivian helps her clients demonstrate visible, sustainable changes in their leadership effectiveness. She has a business degree from the University of California, Berkeley and is certified Integral Coach® and Somatic Coach.